how my treatment of my Major Depressive Disorder is changing my perspective on life
This is the beginning of something new for me. I've talked about cars and I share some emotional stuff on Facebook... but I'm going to try something new here. Just open and honest sharing of my experiences with my depression and it's treatment. that being said this might not be everyone's favorite stuff to read so I'll tag these posts with the word depression and tag all the car stuff as such so we can sort one from another. If you're intrigued, follow me past the jump where I'll let you get a peek inside my brain!
Some time ago I put my 1985 Mercedes 300D up for sale on Craigslist. I figured if someone is willing to pay my price I can turn around and buy a wagon of the same generation. Project Baggin' Wagon has been something I've wanted to do for a while now. The plan is pretty clear, but I didn't have the wagon yet so I couldn't start. To say I loved my sedan would be an understatement depending on who you ask.
Me and Wilhelm shared many good times together, doing things most Mercedes owners don't. Like rallycross!
The Objective
The idea behind a TSD rally is to drive a set distance at a set speed. This of course will take a specific and set amount of time. At the beginning of the rally route instructions are handed out. These instructions have all the speeds and distances as well as navigation information on them.
The navigator looks after the instructions, scorecards, calculator, and computer (if used)
While a team (driver and navigator) is driving along the specified route, they will come across checkpoints. They will not be told where these checkpoints (or "controls" in rally speak) are located. Given the time you left the last control and how far into the route you are there is a specific time at which you are supposed to arrive. You are scored one point for each one hundredth of a minute that you are either early or late. That's 6/10ths of a second, so accuracy is key. Like golf, in rally the lowest score wins.
The Classes
Not every competitor in rally wants to drop the serious money on a rally computer so there are different classes defined by the amount of equipment used.
Stock - you get your stock odometer, and whatever clock you want to bring. all math ends up being done by hand on a calculator.
Limited - you can have an odometer and a clock but the two cannot be interlinked. navigation math gets done by hand on a calculator or via a spreadsheet.
Equipped - if it fits in the car you can use it. usually this means a rally computer which has an odometer input and a high resolution clock and will do all of the math for you.
Lots of switches but once you get used to it it's a huge help.
My TSD Experience
I started out with last years Press on Regardless rally, navigating for Chuck, a long-time rallyist. I learned on a Timewise 798A rally computer. I competed with Chuck for a few rallies after last year's POR and even scored some lifetime points by placing well enough in a national rally (last year's Cast in Stone). So I have the right seat experience, but I've never run stock before. To try and keep the event affordable I'll be entering my Mercedes in stock class. There is a Novice class offered as well but I'm not eligible as I have too much experience. The Novice class is a great way to get started though.
Stay posted, next week I'll introduce the rest of the team and we'll talk about the car.
Press on Regardless
Press on Regardless (POR) started out in 1949 as a 24-hour TSD Rally. So similar to what it is today but for 24 hours straight. 20 years later it became a stage rally (WRC and Rally America hold stage rallies). In 1994 it became a TSD again.
In 1972 POR was part of an FIA championship! That year a Dearborn police officer won. He was also the first to do so in a 4WD car. Gene was heavily involved in rally and started a company, Competition Limited, that still sells essential supplies to rallyists.
Driver Gene Henderson (R) and Navigator Ken Pogue, with their winning Jeep Wagoneer
What i learned last year was that it's not the easiest rally on the calender in the Detroit region. The remote location provides lots of loose gravel roads and two tracks. And the rally runs late into each night. Both days run into the next morning.
This I found out on the way to my first POR and my first Rally with Chuck. While driving from Whitmore Lake to Indian River we talked rallies, score cards, and navigating. We fired up the rally computer so I could learn how to use it to keep track of our progress in the rally and help us stay on time. I had done none of this before. The computer ended up helping a lot because it allowed me to have a little more time to do all the other navigator duties.
I survived POR and learned a lot about rallying. I've run more rallies since and have even scored points in a National SCCA Rally. The thing I learned the most is that I really enjoy it. As POR approaches I'm thinking about kicking it up a notch.
I'm entering the Benz!
Yup, entering my own car. I'm going to navigate and I'm going to have my good friend Kevin Chaney drive for me. Wilhelm will be getting maintenance and upgrades. We're going to see just how well you can prep a road rally car on a budget. Look for updates on Tuesdays!
Want to know more about TSD (Time-Speed-Distance) rallies?
We are part of a wonderful subculture. We are united by the wheels that propel us and that's about where the similarities stop. We love motorcycles, trikes, and cars. We love two-strokes and four-strokes. We love flats, inlines, Vs and the occasional H or W. From Citroens to Corvettes, Hondas to Huayras, someone loves it. So why is there so much friction between the different groups?
There are people who love stance but hate donks. People who love hot rods but hate low-riders. The problem isn't that we can't agree on how to modify our cars. A car should be a reflection of its owner. The beauty of the car community is that there is a style for everyone's taste. To me, no one style is superior to any other (although i do think my modding style makes the most sense to me). We're all looking for different experiences out of our cars, so we modify them (or don't) to suit that. Of course, not everyone shares my outlook. But why should we fight among ourselves so much? I understand that you don't like X style or Y mod, but why do you need to tell the owner that? We should all be trying to appreciate each other's uniqueness.
Now i'm not calling for some giant car show in the middle of some field where we all hug it out and start chatting each other up. That would be asking far too much. And of course we can't just say "well you have to tolerate everything". Mods which are unsafe... not cool. I'm sorry. I personally am against crappy quality of work too. I'm only human. I can appreciate a great build no matter what category it falls into.
The internet has been the best and worst thing to happen to our culture. Now we can all find hundreds of people who like the same car/bike/racing series/what have you. But this has been a double edged sword, of course now it's easier than ever to find people who do something we don't like. Our opportunities to comment on these cars are now infinite. So here's a crazy suggestion: When you see something you don't like, just let it go by. Better yet, try to appreciate whatever makes it special. I'd never drive a stanced car, but some of these cars look great in pictures. I wouldn't build myself a low-rider either, but you've gotta give them credit for making a car dance. Offroaders get up to some crazy driving out where we can't even see them, so maybe think twice before calling that lifted truck in the parking lot stupid. If you like daily driven cars, don't hate on the garage queens. The Concours hosts some beautiful cars and helps protect automotive history. Road racing fan? Nascar and the NHRA still have some serious competition and engineering at work. Auto-crosser? those drag guys have got skills too, just different ones.
The simple fact is that no matter what you love about cars, someone else loves it and someone else hates it. The general public doesn't get us, because if they did they'd be a part of us. The car culture gets a bad reputation for a lot of different things. I can't say i'll stand up for street racing (i don't condone breaking the law) but I will support my fellow car and bike brethren The communities of our culture are as varied as the people in them, sometimes you just have to look at the big picture and realize what a wonderful and crazy world it is.
So while we will always have our groups and crews, let's try to be a little more united. At the end of the day we all love the same thing. We all are searching for the same thing. The perfect drive, the perfect car or bike, the perfect combination of upgrades. And you've got to love the dedication.
The car door is a simple thing in the majority of cars. hinged at the front and swinging outwards it's a convenient enough way to access the comfy interiors of our daily drivers. We open and close our doors hundreds if not thousands of times a year. Getting excited about a door seems about as interesting as getting excited watching a power window go up and down. It's not complicated, new, or remarkable. But like almost all rules, there are exceptions. Some doors buck this trend, and for the sake of convenience we'll start with the oldest example.
Good Ol' Suicide Doors
Suicide doors were first to appear in production cars. They're actually a holdover from horse carriages, but due to safety reasons are not common on modern production cars. as a rear door, the suicide style of door (the industry cringes at "suicide") does have a real advantage though, and that's access to the interior. they're also commonly seen on hot rods as part of that style. The RX-8 featured suicide rear doors, as did the Saturn Ion. The Mini Cooper Countryman also has a single suicide door on the right hand side. The suicide door is essentially a conventional door hinged backwards, so it's not the most exciting. But it does qualify as a non-standard door hinge.
Things from here on out are going to get a little more complicated. There are a variety of other unique door styles, so let's do them in order of most to least well known (and also in vague order of my favorites)
Scissor or "Lambo" Doors
Oddly enough the hardest thing to find was a picture of lamborghini doors on an actual lamborghini. Searching just "lambo doors" brings up a whole lot of lambo door conversions. and that's the only real gripe with this one. The system is unique and when done correctly looks great. but someone decided that they could make a bunch of money making scissor door conversions and it became a kind of fad in the modding community. On a more serious note, hinging the door up does make it easier to get out when parked and definitely adds a level of visual flair. The scissor door starts to really change how getting into and out of a car works, and that is my point. Doors may seem a minor part of a car, but when it changes your everyday use of the car you can't ignore their impact. Lambo doors have been... well... a bit overdone. Unless it's on an actual lamborghini, just don't.
This is about how i feel about lambo doors.
Gullwing Doors
Now things are getting really interesting. Know what kind of car that is up there? Even if you can't tell me it's a DMC Delorean, I'm sure you got as far as "the car from Back to the Future". Now the real petrolheads are sitting in their chairs reading this going "but why not THE gullwing?!" No worries, we'll get there. A gullwing door is an interesting choice. It's not easy to design into a car, requires a strong roof to hold the weight of the doors, and tall people need to duck to get in or out without banging their head. But man does a gullwing make a statement. It makes getting in and out of a car an event. And not always a pleasant one for those with short arms. There's something about making something as simple as opening and closing a door into an event that is wonderful. Because that seems to make driving such a car that much more of an event, an experience. You're not just pulling up and opening your normal door, being careful of bumping into the car next to you. You're letting the gullwing swing open as we get ready to climb out. now, onto "THE" gullwing. so much so that it is simply referred to by some as "The Mercedes Gullwing". The SL was designed as a roadster and a coupe, and the convertible is a fine piece of machinery
As beautiful as it may be, this is not the SL that gets remembered. the one that does has the gullwing doors.
A nice 1956 300SL with the classic gullwing doors.
Amongst other factors, the gullwing doors have helped make the 300SL's the most collectible of classic Mercedes cars. Mercedes decided to do an homage to their winged classic and it, of course, sports gullwing doors as well.
They're just waving to say hi.
Gullwing doors might be the least practical on this list... but that might be part of why they're so beloved too. most racing cars don't use this style because of the difficulty of escaping in a rollover situation (the modern SLS, Mercedes's 300SL revival, has explosive bolts that will blow the doors off in case of a rollover). They do sure as hell look great though. And have been a part of some iconic cars.
Butterfly Doors
The butterfly door to me means Mclaren F1, so that's the car i grabbed a shot of. This style hinges at both the base of the windshield and the roof. So it is anchored to an already strong structure. The door swings up and forwards so you get nice access to the interior, but still get that "gullwing" feel when you have to reach up and close the door on your supercar. Due to these advantages it gets used on purpose built race cars often (Le Mans Prototypes using it almost exclusively) and has been used on a number of super and hyper cars as well (Ferrari Enzo, Ultima GTR, and Saleen S7 to name a few). If the race cars are using it and it's on your daily driver, you're bound to feel just a little cooler when you get in and out of your car. Doors are really the beginning of the experience of driving a car. I'll be investigating the importance of doors as a design element a little later on. but now i've got a two odd-ball types of doors left. I can almost hear the "if these are weird, what's odd-ball?" now.
Dihedral Synchro-Helix or Koenigsegg Doors
Okay, before i even TALK about the door, i need to mention the name. While Dihedral Synchro-Helix may be the correct term to describe these doors, no one says that mouthful. They're either Koenigsegg doors (since Koenigsegg is the only company who uses them and they use only this style) or Raptor doors after the company that is starting to replicate them. Hopefully this doesn't turn into the new lambo door, but only time will tell. So far it looks like the mechanism is so much harder to replicate that Koenigsegg doors will stay pretty exclusive to Koenigseggs. Now just upon looking at the lovely CCR i posted above, you can see these doors are certainly something special. How did they get the door rotated like that? How did they make it move out like that? The best I can do is provide a video to hopefully help explain.
Now i realize that that doesn't explain how it manages to move that way, but the hinge is patented and I've haven't found a good reference that explains it yet. With the raptor door, you get a whole lot of style with a little caveat. You can't park too close to tall curbs. You wouldn't want to scratch that pretty door on some cement. You want uniqueness, you've got it. There is no other hinge that operates even remotely similar. It's a little impractical, but access to the interior is wonderfully open. The advantage of the raptor door is that it can be fitted to a convertible (and some of the Koenigseggs have targa tops) and be exactly the same as on a hardtop car. Speaking of convertible friendliness...
BMW Z1 Doors
Once upon a time BMW was starting off it's Z line of cars, a line of cars that was supposed to look towards the future and be fun and sporty. The genesis of this is the BMW Z1. A car that never made it out of Europe. Picture it as a BMW version of a miata but with a straight six and you'll have a pretty good idea of what the car was supposed to be. But BMW did something very interesting on the Z1. It has sliding doors. So you'd roll the window down and once the window ran out of travel the door would slide down. If you're currently wondering what would happen if you accidentally roll the door down while driving the answer is nothing. The Z1 is actually legally allowed to drive with it's doors down. Of course, one might worry about opening and closing times and the like. But this is BMW, of course the door moved up and down with a precision and smoothness only the Germans could be expected to achieve.
Personally, I like the Z1 doors a whole lot. the high door sills will make getting in and out of the car a little bit harder, but the payoff is being able to build a more rigid chassis (which for a convertible is a challenge already) normally cutting a door means giving up a lot of chances to brace and stiffen the chassis, but the Z1 door allows there to be structural elements as high as the door when lowered. Also it's not used on any other car that I know of, and that's something to take into account.
So Why Doors?
If you've stuck with me so far, thank you. Surely this is a roundabout way to get to my ultimate point. But I think it sets me up to make it more apparent. For me, enjoying a car is about motoring. Motoring is a term that people like to use to refer to many things but I personally interpret it as enjoyable driving. What makes a drive enjoyable to me is an event. Whether that's a nice stretch of road to cruise along near some scenery or a mountain road that begs for a good spirited drive, it's still motoring. But I think that motoring can happen anytime. Even on your daily commute if the conditions are right. Now event could be used interchangeably with experience, in this case the words are equivalent.
A great car is all about creating an experience. It's why interiors are so intensely designed and why the exterior of the car matters so much even when we can't see it while driving. The first part of the experience of a car is upon seeing it. You take it in, appreciate it's design. The next part of the experience is opening the door. For most cars this is a relatively identical experience. As much as my Mercedes doors feel like a vault door, they still swing out the same way. But these designs, they offer something different. They offer an appeal beyond just convenience and function. They add a flair to the car. They make it exciting to look at the car with the doors open because it changes the aesthetics of the car in a unique way.
But I think the best part of these doors is the actual use. The experience of opening and closing them. In most cases it differs greatly from the normal swinging door. It's certainly creates a whole different attitude. It might feel like closing some kind of futuristic cockpit or a space ship door. It certainly creates an entrance. Now when you step out of the car you're not just there. You're arriving. You feel special as you climb over the high door sill of the gullwing. You feel excited as you reach out to pull the butterfly door closed so that you can drive off to enjoy a nice mountain road. It won't make the experience, no. But it's certainly a factor. It's part of the package, and the package is wonderful.
Disclaimer: While this may be a "review" of my old Mercedes, the fact of the matter is I love this car and so even the negatives will be spun hard into positives. Just enjoy it :P
It all starts when you walk outside. That simple key in hand, that $5 eBay keyring with the three-pointed star dangling from your fingers. You see it in the distance, it's unmistakable. That old Benz. The W123 300D has all the boxy styling of the 80's but the details reveal a little more... the way the rear wheel arches swoop out in the back shows that Mercedes hasn't dropped the classic styling cues of the 60's and 70's. Not entirely. The car has a lot of chrome, but it's a tasteful application. All the right accents coming through with the chrome highlighting the car. The "Light Ivory" paint is a wonderfully understated shade of off white, a very light tan. The factory 14" wheels are not going to distract you from the car, but are visually interesting enough to be worth a look. This Benz shows its age. There is rust, a few spots here and there. The wheel arches show the Michigan winters the car has endured. But it's an endearing quality, it adds to the character of the car. The yellow foglights and big sealed beam headlights remind you of a simpler time, when cars had very discrete parts and the word assembly wasn't as commonly used in the parts catalog. A time when a car owner could be found in his garage on weekends, doing the maintenance the car required and ensuring his vehicle would last. You unlock the door. Behind the scenes a vacuum system activates, unlocking the rest. You watch as the lock stalks rise up out of the doors, each one at its own independent speed. You reach for the simple, understated door handle and with a solid action the latch opens. The door swings open freely, feeling both solid and light somehow. And thus you are greeted by the interior. The Palomino leather, a wonderful light brown color, is still soft and in wonderful condition. The back seat shows a little bit of sunbleaching on the very top, hard to see unless you look at it from outside. The armrest has cracked and the black dash has a single crack in it, but is otherwise in perfect shape. The dash is adorned with wood, coated in enough stain and lacquer it's measurable. The shift knob, a number 13 pool ball, sits proudly atop its chrome stalk. You sit down. The seats, with their old springs, feel almost as if they rise up to meet you as you get in. The leather seats feel like a throne, a place of importance and power. The steering wheel is large, and through it you can get a very clear view of the gauges in the instrument cluster. Simple white on black dials. The leftmost contains 3 gauges: water temperature in Celsius, fuel level, and oil pressure in bar. the center gauge keeps its task simple, speedometer and odometer. The right gauge houses a tachometer and an analog clock. A simple assortment of gauges with enough information to make sure you can catch any issues. The orange needles have started to turn yellow, another wrinkle in this old car's metaphorical face. As you reach around the steering wheel you feel the turn signal and wiper stalk, a simple black square cross sectioned affair. And then you notice the cruise control stalk. A funny little protrusion, it's small and sits at a most intriguing angle being vertically very far above the turn signal and wipers but coming also from the steering column. The steering wheel itself is simple: the horn button is the entire center and the only thing to draw your eye is the large three pointed star which sits dead center. Looking just over the steering wheel you begin to get a sense of the appeal of this car. You look out over the long hood and sitting there at the end is a little chrome three pointed star. You think to yourself "Ah, yes... A classic Mercedes, hood ornament and all". It seems like such a little thing and yet if it wasn't there the occasion that is driving an old Benz like this one would be diminished. You insert the key. Turning it two "clicks", you begin to get the car ready to start. The buzzer sounds and seat belt minder illuminates, the usual battery charge warning indicator lights as well. The glow plug indicator glows its bright yellow as you reach for the seat belt and solidly click it home. The car's simplicity is made no more apparent than now. No nav system starting up, no LCD screen flickering to life. Just a few bulbs glowing as you sit in this rolling piece of history. Once the glow plug light goes out, you're welcome to start the old diesel anytime. My suggestion would be sooner rather than later though as when the light goes out so do the glow plugs. As you hold the key all the way to the right you notice the chrome trim ring around the lock cylinder, a nice touch. You listen as the engine groans to life, as if you've awoken your grandfather far too early on a Sunday morning. After a few full revolutions you hear the engine "catch" and wake up. It's the first time you've started the car today, so you'll need to give it a little fuel to keep it going and warm it up a bit. You hear the turbo, and can feel the five cylinder inline diesel rumbling away in the engine bay. It shakes the whole car, the engine mount shocks having been worn out some time long ago. When your constant, light foot pressure causes the engine to rev up and the turbo to spool you're fully ready to go. You move the shifter to drive. The pool ball fits comfortably in your hand; it's smooth, cool, polished surface inviting some shenanigans later. It takes more throttle than you'd expect to move this rolling example of German engineering, but once you're going it moves along easily enough. The acceleration isn't very quick, the 2.88:1 rear end making the hole shot tough for this car. The low speed ride quality is alright but it's a little stiff (not truck stiff mind you). Picture your just awoken grandfather shuffling around the house in his slippers and you'll get the idea. The brakes are effective, but the pedal has an inherent softness to it. But that's part of the charm of this car. everything is a little squishy, everything is a little slow. There's a delay between input and reaction. But the car does respond and tries in earnest to give you what you asked for. The kickdown switch (yes it IS a switch) gets you some more get up and go... until you hit redline. The shift quality is variable, sometimes it's harsh and other times it's buttery smooth. The vacuum operated transmission works well enough and the fact that it's still running this long after its build date is impressive. For some fun, you put the shifter in "L" and have practice launching from red lights. You won't go fast enough to gather any police attention but you can have a blast and feel the turbo kick in. The car does well enough as a daily commuter but when you hit the highway this car really shows you what it was made for. You hit the on ramp. To make sure you're at highway speeds in time you put the throttle down and let the diesel work its torquey magic. At highway speeds and above the car is a perfect cruiser. The suspension soaks up bumps with little disturbance. The car accelerates well because the car has no overdrive. Even given that limitation the diesel Benz will take you over 27 miles on one gallon of diesel and that's not affected by how long of a trip you packed for. The steering has a wonderful "old movie" feel to it, to go perfectly straight you end up moving the wheel a back and forth a bit. The recirculating ball steering box has a lot of slop in it by modern standards, but it doesn't ask much of you with the power assist. You and 3,500 pounds of Teutonic steel go floating down the highway, ready to go wherever your heart desires. The seats will keep you comfortable for as long as you need to drive and the 20 gallon tank means you can go far before you need to pull off and refuel. With the upgraded 120 Amp alternator in this car, you can power everything you need and then some. The aftermarket radio and subwoofers make the most of the original speakers that have been playing music since 1985. As you ride off into the sunset you turn the headlights on for the first time. The output leaves something to be desired but there's definitely enough light to drive with. Turning the fogs on helps quite a bit. Should you find yourself alone on the road at night the brights will light up everything in front of you, surprising given the light from the low beams. As the car whisks you along the highway, turning time into miles traveled with an efficiency and constancy only the Germans can dream up, you start to play with the car some more. You notice the window switches are all in the center console, which is a nicer feature than you may think at first. You find the switch that turns on the rear dome light, clearly useful for those lucky enough to have both a Mercedes and a Chauffeur. You learn to love the night lighting on the dash... two bulbs that send wide yellowish beams of light down the front of the dials causing the needles to cast dramatic little shadows. You notice that the drivers side rear view mirror is manually adjustable while the passenger side is powered. The little touches that give this car its German quirkiness. You look at the odometer. 197,000 miles seems like a lot, but you know this diesel will easily turn 500,000 before it needs major work. Another reason to thank the Mercedes engineers. There's an absence you notice as well... Nowhere are the words "Mercedes-Benz" visible... Only the three pointed star is used. A classy promotion for Mercedes without tossing their name on everything. If you have more than 2 people in the car someone will discover the rear armrest, A delightful sign of the kind of clientele this car was made for. You park this pint sized limousine. You realize just how much fun it was even if it wasn't fast. You realize that Mercedes built this car for the driver as much as it did for the passengers. You open the very spacious trunk to retrieve your luggage and realize how much space is left should you have needed more. You appreciate the car for it's few amenities: automatic climate control, working air conditioning, and a dead steady cruise control. You leave the car being pleased you brought it with you. You lock the car and watch as it closes itself up, locking everything including the trunk and fuel door. You look forward to the journey back as much as you enjoyed the journey here. You look back and love that you can drive a car that classic, that good looking and still enjoy it immensely. You look forward to the years to come with it.
